Inspired by sites like grouphug and PostSecret, I thought I air a little dirty laundry of my own:

Dirty Little Secrets

• I kinda like Kelly Clarkson's music.
• Sometimes I'm jealous of the amount of attention she gives the cat instead of me.
• I think that I'm kind of an asshole a lot of the time and I wish I could change, but I don't have the strength.
• I'm actually quite insecure about the way I look.
• I can spend an entire day not seeing or talking to another human, and most of the time I almost like that better.
• I don't have the guts to post any real secrets.

posted by MAtt D. at 7:23 AM

 
So... Alli and I were at the mall yesterday and we come upon thie store where the storefront has had massive cosmetic construction to make it look like an old brick apartment building, I'm guessing a la New York City. You walk inside and are immediatly greeted by a douchebag. Y'know the "collar up" type. Then the whole place is laid out in little rooms... like a lot of them... as though were it a penthouse apartment or something. And the whole time, loud, obnoxious, pretentious, techno-club type music is blaring. And each little room comes equipped with its own douchebag. The place is so done up that you have the think "is this a parody?" I mean, if you threw in Dieter from Sprockets, the illusion would be complete. Needless to say, Alli and I wandered patiently through each of the little rooms, and the whole time I'm getting more an more uncomfortable because I was dressed, let's face it, a little white-trashy, and I'm getting these looks from both the employee and the customer douchebags. Anyway, we scoot outta there without buying any $30 t-shirts and feeling a little off-put by the whole store in general... I went home and looked it up, turns out it's yet another head of the hideous Abercrombie and Fitch hydra.

What amazes me is not that they market their product as "You too can be a pretentious douchebag," but that SO MANY people buy it. And the really obvious "We're SO FUCKING EAST COAST OLD SCHOOL" vibe they try and put off only confirms a thought I've had for a long time: people from New York City are assholes. But that's a rant for another time. If you're curious about being a pretentious douchebag and want to see what I'm talking about, it's called Ruehl.

I can't judge too harshly, I suppose. It's my bad for dressing like I'm still 18 when I go out in public because it's more comfortable. I went into Nordstrom's to buy shoes on the same trip and well, my internal monologue went something like this: Hell, I'm a professional educator. PROFESSIONAL. The guys working at Nordstrom's are sales clerks. I don't deserve to be ignored, watched like a hawk, or scoffed at by these dudes... But how were they to have known? I was dressed like as soon as I was done I was going to go 'froading with some of my bros and crack a case of Coors Light. Catch-22 I suppose.

I have no conclusion so I merely take a little bow and exit stage left.

posted by MAtt D. at 1:33 PM

 
you do too fucking regret it

On a lot of these surveys that get bulletinned (if there be such a word, arr) or that people put in their profile there is always a question like "Have you ever done anything you regret?" And invariably, 90% of all people put something along the lines of how you shouldn't regret shit, or you should just learn from stuff, never regret it blah blah blah... What this really translates to is "I'm so hardcore and self-confident that I NEVER make decisions I regret." Try not to throw your back out from flexing your nuts so hard ok?

Seriously, who doesn't regret stuff? Androids, that's who. Androids and sociopaths. The whole idea that you should never regret anything you do is just ludicrous. Let's take a learning experience for example, shall we? You accidentally burn yourself on something. You LEARN to pay more attention to your surroundings, but as it throbs and stings you sure as shit wish you hadn't. That's REGRET, an emotion that most normal humans wrestle with.

It goes beyond the internet, too. I GUARANDAMNTEE that if you went through a high school yearbook looking at senior quotes, you'd find at least one kid with something along the lines of "no regrets." Fuck man, there's a kid I'd NEVER want to be friends with, because he sounds like the type of asshole who could never feel bad for anything they've done. "Hey, do you regret killing that toddler?" "No man, I never regret anything, I just look for the learning experience." Personally, I regret TONS of shit, especially throughout high school. And it's the pain of that regret that keeps me from repeating the same mistakes.
posted by MAtt D. at 9:05 PM