"Hey, you wanna feed a killer whale?" What would you do if someone just asked you that out of the blue? I tell you what I did - I jumped on it right quick.

So I'm standing there at Shamu Close-Up, which is a big pool where the whales can hang out in between shows and the public can see them. I'm there to answer questions people may have about the animals. Unfortunatly this was a closing shift so it was about 9:45 at night and there were not many whale-curious people about. Suddenly the trainer comes down to do a feeding session with the one whale in the pool and turns to me and asks "Hey, do you wanna feed a killer whale?" Now I've been working at Sea World since June 12 and I've still never even touched a dolphin so I was like "Uh, yeah." Now granted I didn't get to touch the whale, and I was just sticking my hands into ice cold fish and tossing big handfuls down her throat but it was an interaction all the same. The whale acknowledged me. At first she kept looking to the trainer for the food, but the trainer would point to me "no, he's feeding you." Eventually the whale was like, oh okay I get it now, and moved over in front of me and opened her mouth. So f-ing cool. I wonder if my mother would kill me if I set aside that college degree for a few years to ascend through the ranks of Sea World to become a Shamu trainer. (Apparently the money's not that good, but I'll bet you the line "I work with Shamu" gets you laid like none other.) Anyway, after the feed the whale kept swimming around and pausing to look at me as if to say "Well new guy... anymore fish coming or what?" So cool.

posted by MAtt D. at 11:55 PM

 
So I got "promoted" to camp counselor at Sea World. I've spent the last week with 2nd & 3rd graders. Don't ask me about current events, but I could tell you all about what Cassie and Maddie did last night after they went home from Sea World camp. We've got one camper who every time we get soaked, she hikes her shorts up really high into her crotch. We call her "CT." What the hell are parents teaching their kids? There's the ADHD kid, who makes the day seem that much longer. I wish I could just sit him down and explain to him that he needs to calm the hell down because I don't believe in ADD or ADHD... It was a lot easier to say before I started working with this kid.

By the way, Ken Jennings must be stopped. He's the guy who's been on Jeopardy for like... 37 shows straight. I am confident he's some kind of eugenics experiment on behalf of the Church of Latter Day Saints meant to bring Mormonism more into the mainstream. I think he's supposed to be "likeable" but he comes off as just really dorky and arrogant. Also he gets so many Daily Doubles and clears so many categories that the way he and Alex joke with one another makes me wonder if someone isn't sucking someone else's dick. I'm serious people, don't fall under his spell, otherwise we'll all be jumping on trampolines.

posted by MAtt D. at 8:09 PM

 
I must say that between Sea World and Vegas, I have noticed a dangerous amount of man-pris. What are man-pris? Man-pris are capri pants for men, much like shants, only more "fitted" to the legs.  DO NOT fall into the man-pri craze that I can feel will soon be upon us, me hearties. It just looks G to the A to the Y, not cool.

As I worked the Shark Encounter for the mind-numbing 7 zillionth time it occurred to me that a great number of people will stop and film the sharks swimming for 5, 10 minutes. What the hell are they doing with this footage? I mean if they show this vacation tape to anyone they're going to have to fast forward through 7 minutes of sharks just circling. Here's something interesting - if you're a "shark lover" you're galeophilic.

I've noticed something disturbing lately - common sense and common courtesy are the two least common things in America right now. I'm working on starting a movement to bring the phrase "excuse me" back into the american lexicon, because it seems to have disappeared. The next time you need to get around someone in a tight situation, help further the cause by actually saying excuse me. You'll be making the world a better place I guarantee.

Drink drank drunk. I finish this entry drunk. I miss the Reds and y'all need to blog more often, that's how I keep up on your lives. I'm going to try to make it home so we can have a Falconer night and catch up. I have to tell you how the prostitutes stole our money in Vegas.

Remember folks, just because you're around animals you've never seen before doesn't mean you have to act like a total retard *let's get  retarded in here...* Just because Paris Hilton and Britney Spears make headlines and VH1 doesn't mean that dressing like some weird version of upper class white trash makes you cool... God, that bothers me. Bveryone who tries that "blue collar chic" thing where they go to fucking Urban Outfitters and buy clothes that look like they got them at a garage sale to go with their unkempt hair and trucker hats and stained jeans and wannabe MHL and PBR t-shirts should be forced into a room with some REAL white trash, the kind I met through Erik or at the YRP, so they could beat the shit out of those people. When did  being disengenuous start being "hip"?

I'm drunk...

[EDIT] I think that the Sublime version of Rivers of Babylon is one of my favorite songs ever. That and Waiting for my Ruca. Sublime fucking rules.

posted by MAtt D. at 5:28 PM

 
attention people of the world - TAKE YOUR GODDAMN FOOT OFF THE BRAKE. Learn to drive with the gas pedal. More importantly, learn to drive a stickshift. And lastly, it's okay to drive fast.

Got this website off my brother's AIM profile: www.michaelmoorehatesamerica.com - go there and see why we need to stop letting an obese man trying to tell us our politics. I have never really liked/trusted that guy.

Looking for good books to read this summer. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Vegas with the masterful Abenicio and crew in just a few days. It's gonna be so fucking money baby. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, which makes Vegas sorta like Fight Club, only with fun stuff like booze, strippers, and gambling. And fake Elvises. Money!

When Alli went home for the weekend, I dropped her off at the airport Friday afternoon. As I was pulling away, "Such Great Heights" by the Postal Service came on the radio. I like that song. It describes pretty decently how I feel about Alli. If the rest of the CD is really good and someone wants to burn it for me, that would be super sweet, because right now, I ain't in the position to be buying CDs.

I wish I could make a wishlist and have people buy me the stuff I want like those camwhore girls do, but I'd need a webcam and a vagina for that... although I already have a webcam... anyway, if anyone in Redlands wants to pick up 3-4 months worth of comics I have reserved at ComicQuest and buy them for me and ship them out here without expecting pay in return, that'd be super. No takers?

Stay Classy, San Diego and Redlands.

posted by MAtt D. at 12:34 AM

 
actual questions I've encountered while working at Sea World:
AT THE SHARK ENCOUNTER - Are they real? Which are the sharks that bite? Why did you guys get rid of the tunnel? (Okay, that one needs some explanation - people will walk 3 feet into the exhibit and ask this question. Fear not, the tunnel still exists, you must actually WALK THROUGH the exhibit to get there however.
AT WILD ARCTIC - Are they real? (Beluga Whales) Are those icicles real? (In the middle of summer?!) I thought you had polar bears? (Well, if you continue walking through the exhibit...)
AT SHAMU CLOSE UP - So, which one's Shamu? (There are 3 Sea Worlds, a Shamu at each of them. On top of that, we have SEVEN whales...) Can you make the whales come over here? (Yes I can, for we are their masters and they must do our bidding...)
AT THE COMMERSON'S DOLPHINS - Are they real? (HOLY CRAP - we're a zoological park, why would we have FAKE ANIMALS?!)

There are other mind-boggling things like that too numerous to remember. How long can bat rays hold their breath? The world may never know.

posted by MAtt D. at 8:47 PM