back in the land of the RED for the red and green holiday... and for a little humor this holiday season, I present to you author Christopher Moore's thesis on why the rest of the country generally hates California. (But you know, fuck those guys.)

"Winter denial - Theo did it, most Californians did it - they assumed that because the weather was nice most of the time, it would be nice all of the time, and so, in the midst of a rainstorm, you'd find people outdoors without an umbrella, or when nights dipped into the thirties, you'd still see someone dip-pumping his gas in surfer shorts and a tank top... Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude - the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said: "Look at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon Valley and their silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards!" Because if you're up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, nothing warms your heart like the sight of California on fire. If you're shoveling silt out of your basement in the Fargo flood zone, nothing brightens your day like watching a Malibu mansion tumbling down a cliff and into the sea. And if a tornado just peppered the land around your Oklahoma town with random trailer trash and redneck nuggets, then you can find a quantum of solace in the fact that the earth actually opened up in the San Fernando Valley and swallowed a whole caravan of commuting SUVs."
- The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror by Christopher Moore

I love Chris Moore - he wrote one of my favorite books called Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. If you aren't that into reading, but you like to laugh, you should check him out. Merry Christmas, California. The rest of you people... humbug.

posted by MAtt D. at 1:57 PM