Been thinking a lot about true love, being in love, having a loved one, etc. The fact that Aaron mentioned it in his LiveJournal just gives me an opportunity to ruminate on it...

But what is it? What is being in love? Love is an addiction, like one can be addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or even sex. And yes, there is a separation between love and sex to be made. I'm speaking of romantic love, not familial or fraternal... simply put Romantic Love is an addiction to another person. At least this is my experience. I have no problem admitting that I am thoroughly addicted to Alli. I hate saying good bye at night, we talk in the morning before work, and the first thing I do when I get out of work is to call her. Often as I stare out at the sea of cynical teenage faces waiting for me to fill them with knowledge that not only enlightens them, but entertains them as well, I will wish that I was with Alli doing something, anything - it could be waiting outside the dressing room at The Limited for all I could care. It's funny, too because her chosen field, finance, is the most mind-boggling thing in the world to me and nine times out of ten when she talks to me about work, I don't get it. I put up with her cat, and I hate cats. But for all our differences we've made it to close to four years. After four years, there is still nothing better than cozying up in her big armchair, our foreheads gently touching. There, that moment of serenity, of total peace with another person, that is the high that comes with romantic love, the high that makes the addiction pay off. Some people, those people who have striven to be "unique, strong individuals" their whole lives - you know the people who went to absurd extremes just to prove to a world that wasn't asking for proof how different they really are - would argue that there's something demeaning in the implication that love is simply an addiction to another person. I would argue no. I'm pretty sure I know myself well. I know what kind of an individual I am. I know what kind of a person I am. I am validated to myself. But that another human being, for no one is alone on this planet ("No man is an island" - John Donne), that is a true acknowledgment of my worth. At least... that's my take on it.

In truth it's been on my mind a lot lately because Alli and I have decided that we are mature enough, and have been together long enough to have the Big Talk. You know the one - the Next Big Step talk. At the very least I wish she and I lived together. But I honestly believe that I could pull off the Next Big Step (you notice, I'm still uncomfortable using the actual M-word) because I am so in love with Alli. And we've been even closer since we accepted that the NBS is probably in our future. Barring some unforeseen catastrophe (*knockknockknock*) we will probably wind up walking down an aisle, and I ain't talking 'bout going to Vons together.

posted by MAtt D. at 4:36 PM

 
Had a great time at home this last weekend, and it was great, great, great indeed to see all my friends. I shoulda left the ball and chain so I could have gone buck wild on the absinthe. (Just kidding, dear...) Anyhow, got something on my mind.

I don't usually get too political, but being that I live in a house where Fox News is going constantly I get a little sick of it. Thank God for Air America, I'd go nuts without it... No, on second thought - thank God for George Bush. Thank God. Because if Kerry were president, America would have melted into a puddle of sulpherous waste by now. Or at least that's the argument the GOP is making, but I don't have the right to question our government, right? That's not how this country was started or anything. But I digress. Thank God for George Bush, because while in office he has made it so much harder for terrorists to get into this country. No, on second thought, his "guest worker" program makes it pretty easy for illegal immigrants to get in... at least once they're here, they won't be able to get their hands on anything really dangerous... no, no, because he let that whole "assault weapon ban" thing lapse... Well, the terrorists won't have much motivation to move against us since Bush captured their evil leader, Osama Bin Laden. No, no I think he's made it very clear that he hasn't really given that much thought lately. Well, at least Osama won't be using any of his WMD, right? Since we have those safe and secure now? Hmm... which one of the promises that Bush made has he fucking kept? Kerry voted in favor of going into Iraq... because his President guaranteed him (and the American people) that it was the right thing to do. I'm tired of people accusing Kerry of flip-flopping when Bush has said a million things that his actions go back on. Here's all you need to know, and it's truth and you can look it up from several news sources and whatnot, and good luck finding an impartial source but still, you may be able to confirm this in some way: Kerry rallies are open, anyone may attend including Bush supporters. Bush rallies are closely screened so that no antiBush proKerry people make it through.

Gah! Sorry I don't mean to get political, but like I said, when it's stuck in your face constantly, it's hard to deal with. Reds, I'd like to see you in my neck of the woods one of these days. Vaya Con Dios.

posted by MAtt D. at 5:14 PM

 
Guys, I signed up for AudioBlogger so we can call in to my blog our experiences with the Green Fairy. Booyashakah.

posted by MAtt D. at 6:55 PM

 
Week 2 of school almost away and gone, with a 3-day weekend on the horizon. Life is beginning to calm down (sort of) and I'm beginning to get more and more used to being a teacher. I have found that I like the days where I wear a shirt and tie better that "college day" where I can wear a t-shirt and jeans. To look more teacherly I tuck the shirt into the jeans and it winds up looking horrible. I look like an "old guy kid." We all know old guy kid. He's been around all throughout high school, and even followed some of us to college. Old Guy Kid is the kid who acts like he's... old. Not mature, just old. The kid who probably tucked his t-shirts into his pants. The kid who seriously wore his cell phone on the belt clip. The kid who was always looking around like everything was awaiting his approval. Old Guy Kid. I live with two of them.... Lord I can't wait til I move out on my own. I need my own space if I'm going to be doing this teaching thing. There are a couple reasons for this: 1) I barely have my own space at school, so when I come home I have to share space with two other guys? 2) Teaching really makes an egotist out of everyone involved in the profession, and egotism always leads to resentment. (I mean that every teacher I've ever come across is under the impression that we are doing the most important work since Jesus lived. Although, Jesus was a teacher.) 3) I wake up between 5 and 5:30 every morning. I go to bed between 10:30 and 11 PM. This isn't fair to my roommates because I would like a little quiet so I can get to sleep and it's not fair to me because I need a little quiet to get to sleep, and let's face it, they're still 22 year old males who want to go out and do stuff. Stuff late at night. I was there myself a scant few weeks ago. But egotism remember? My job is more important than his job, or his schooling, or their bar nights, etc, etc. Bottom line - I need my own place. But I can't move to North County (where I work) because Alli still lives in Central San Diego. And I can't leave Alli. Not an option.

Gah, I'm tired. I'm always tired these days.

posted by MAtt D. at 9:04 PM